Try to be as inspiring to your ex as you can be without overdoing it. This also keeps you safe from begging and pleading with your ex to take you back , which is the opposite of what you should be doing right now. Being busy is key because it enables you to steer clear of the types of behaviors that can end up pushing your ex farther away. There is so much to know about how to deal with living with an ex , and each situation is so unique, so I want to let you know that I have created a video seminar of almost twenty videos on this specific subject.
I can help you to navigate these challenging waters and really use this situation to your benefit. The worst thing you could do right now would be to wallow in self pity and let your ex see how hurt you are by this breakup. The key to making an ex want you back is to make him or her realize that their life would be significantly more fulfilling if they had you by their side. So think about picking up old hobbies and discovering new ones, think about spending time with friends and family members that bring you joy, think about checking out new places that have opened in your city, and start coming up with ways to step outside of your comfort zone and discover new things.
The primary culprit? Not surprisingly, this limbo can take a toll on your overall well being. When your ex is always around, your negative feelings might be triggered so much that it feels impossible to move on from them. The degree to which it takes its toll depends on how amicable the split was. For example, if the relationship ended because one of you cheated, this creates an environment of ongoing tension, anger, and hurt.
Think of grieving for your relationship as building scar tissue around a cut. Each time you reengage with your ex, you reinjure yourself. Lucy Fuller, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the Counselling Directory , tells The Independent that living together post breakup can be an incredible difficult situation. The relationship councillor adds that co-habitation may result in psychological issues for either one or both individuals.
He had moved in with me and my housemates so it was quite close quarters. I felt like his stuff took up a lot of space — more than my own. At the time, I was paying the majority of the rent which added to the pressure of the relationship. When we split, I asked him to move out as he was originally from Birmingham where we lived, so was able to move back in with his parents. But it took him about a month or two after we broke up to properly move out.
The sleeping situation was odd, to say the least, as we almost carried on as normal and he stayed in my bed. Despite wanting space away from each other, we were still very much in love so to detach that emotion from the situation was virtually impossible. I learned a lot from us living together post-breakup.
Our relationship was tumultuous and with the benefit of hindsight, we should probably have ended it long before then. She had moved in with me and my friend after we had been together for about six months. After 18 months, my friend moved out. We were living out of London at the time, so we had quite a bit of space for not that much money.
This was made slightly easier by the fact that we had separate rooms on different floors. In a weird way, I think living together made the situation easier — it was a gradual transition, rather than a sharp, immediate end to our relationship. After all, there was one very important thing it did teach me — to think really carefully before moving in with a partner again.
Take nothing for granted: Everything that you used to take for granted is now over and up for renegotiation. This means every logistic of your shared lives from cooking, cleaning, bill paying to when to have friends stay over. Remember when they go low, you go high: You need to recognise the dynamics of how you behave towards your ex has changed unrecognisably.
Set your intention that you stay calm and reasonable in all your dealings with your ex. If you feel triggered by their behaviour walk away. Be sensitive: To navigate this uncharted territory minimise the time you spend in the kitchen or any communal areas.
Apply a light-touch approach to your shared living space. This means behaving carefully and sensitively in what is an emotional loaded and potentially volatile situation.
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